ajar

school sucks, etc.

Mon, 18 Mar 2002 21:08:31 GMT

i love that i never go to school anymore. cheri and i wanted to get away from painting so we walked out when elaine wasn't looking. elaine evidentially was looking and asked us where we were going, i said to the library to look for things. (tres ridiculous) she was headed for the copy room, next door to the library. we conducted a fake conversation about cond? nast magazines and when she was completely out of sight we broke out running arms and legs everywhere, being as dramatic as possible. as if anything would have happened. it was great. thai food explosion ensued soon afterward, yet another perfect day spent running away from school.

my life is huge cloud of smoke

Sun, 17 Mar 2002 17:30:12 GMT

i hate when shit like this journal (which is merely a useless thing with my name tied to it) sit idly by, when my life is changing at a rapid pace.
i haven't had sex in a year and a half. there are pictures on my wall that haven't moved in three years, i haven't been back to my old school in nine weeks. nine weeks worth of days. days filled with boys named jesus and grace losing her home. days that i buy drugs and quit smoking then quit quitting. days of no food, days of no money days of big spending car accidents smiles naps love and loss. and this stupid online livejournal sits, the same as before; mocking me. what the fuck. god damn deadjournal, i'm living, not recording my life i'm letting it run by without my consent. i make no sense.

fuck proper capitalization

Mon, 07 Jan 2002 03:27:43 GMT

DMBS44: hi blair
Sweaterdemon: hi, shit hold on
DMBS44: ok
Sweaterdemon: ok. zak loo on aim... sorry
Sweaterdemon: i need to go put some clothes in the washer, i be right back.
DMBS44: ok again
Sweaterdemon: ok
DMBS44: dave sent that stuff about ben to my dad, and he[my dad] fwd it to me, and at the top is says "Hi, sweetheart" i thought dave said that.
Sweaterdemon: ahhh
Sweaterdemon: that would be so weird
Sweaterdemon: the phone number is his
Sweaterdemon: did we ever try calling it?
DMBS44: did we ever leave a message?
Sweaterdemon: no
Sweaterdemon: cause we were never sure
DMBS44: he willget alot of hang up messages
Sweaterdemon: yes
DMBS44: i dont want to go back to school. i got sick think about it
Sweaterdemon: me too.
Sweaterdemon: i downloaded 12 belle & sebastian songs
DMBS44: i have been listening to the white album non stop
DMBS44: "while my guitar gently weeps"
Sweaterdemon: i've downloaded 18 songs in like one day. i'm obsessed. i sorta liked the white album.
Sweaterdemon: the beatles have been almost-spoiled too many times by ben mankoff
DMBS44: ha, i could see that. i have to go, my dad is going to read to me
DMBS44: goodnight blair
Sweaterdemon: goodnight
Sweaterdemon: daisy

i don't know what i see in these conversations, fragments of our connectivity perhaps.
i love daisy so much, she is my golden child. i wonder, why all the strangeness and secrecy?
i'll never be quite sure. the only sure thing is that we are not each other's addictions. feeding someone's addiction is something i've always done. i never recognized until tonight, and will probably be some topic i quietly obsess over. no one reads this so i'm fine with saying anything i please.

arg, i hate being the reason they can't quit smoking. i'm not some unhealthy doorstop.
i'm not a slave to sex drugs lies and rock and roll. why do they still use me as a crutch?
i don't want to be their addiction. but i'm addicted too.

maybe that's why daisy and i work so well. like a pair of disgruntled cubicle mates, rather that conjoined sick lovers. i just want to get them removed, they're so awful sometimes. having friends is so difficult, so needy. everyday of my life it's like walking around with two lame legs and only a strong will dragging them along.

blah blah blah. i suck. the end.

note to jacqui-
hmm.. it's easy to ramble in these, eh?

Mastermind Love

Thu, 03 Jan 2002 21:41:25 GMT

What Kind Of Pokemon Are You?

Stupid online garbage. I just fought and was defeated by own weak will power and everpresent emotion.

Heat of the moment

Tue, 11 Dec 2001 02:04:27 GMT

I swear if it weren't for this site and the hottest girls ever therein, I'd be puking my little mono stricken guts right out. Mono, that's right. I feel so sick, and there is nothing that can fix it. Sniff.. sniff..

Oh shit!

Tue, 11 Dec 2001 00:55:15 GMT

I am 81-100% Ghetto

I am GHETTO FABULOUS.

Lovebird

Mon, 10 Dec 2001 19:54:13 GMT

a metro sea: love boat.
a metro sea: you are a boat i love
me gustas tu: i ain't no boat
me gustas tu: but i love you too

Very cold outside

Mon, 10 Dec 2001 01:50:46 GMT

The inside of my nose is all tingly, I hate that feeling; so disgusting. A telltale sign of an oncoming cold, my poor achy sinus'.

I've been cleaning obsessively all day, dusting washing folding straightening filtering sweeping disposing, it feels nice but I wonder where my drive to do it all is coming from. Things feel tighter and more in control, perhaps my drive derives from my need to be in control holding the reins at all times.

I did some weird things in the kitchen, I threw away all of the food. Emptied the refrigerator, poured it down the garbage disposal to be ground up. It made me feel really good inside, I wasn't hungry after it was all gone. I've been eating too unhealthily lately, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Whatever, I'm going to bed.

Puffff...

Tue, 04 Dec 2001 19:46:53 GMT

I bit my tongue three days ago, and there is still a world of hurt resonating from inside of my mouth. I also have some weird affliction that is causing me to be unable to walk; I hate sitting for too long. Blah blah blah.. the world is really lacking goodness right now. Back to sleep.

Too much information

Sun, 25 Nov 2001 21:19:13 GMT

1. Time you started: 2:08
2. Full name? Blair Elizabeth West
3. Birthday? 4 16 85
4. Nickname? B and Blairgirl
5. Birthplace? Ann Arbor
6. Hair/eye color? Reddish brown, green
7. Siblings? 0
8. Last cd you bought? Rufus Wainwright - Poses
9. Last movie you saw in the theatre? "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" with Dan and Michelle
10. Last movie you rented? Mouchette and High Art
11. Favorite school subject? Ceramics and Sculpture
12. Least favorite school subject? American Lit.
13. Do you actually like math? Not really
14. Who are your best friends? Michael, Andrea & John, Rebecca, Dais and Meredith. Negin and Trisha rock pretty hard too.
15. Do you have a crush? A trillion, big one right now is John Marzonie
16. Who are your best online friends? ...
17. Favorite actress? Jessica Par?
18. Favorite actor? River Phoenix
19. Favorite movie? Fried Green Tomatoes
20. Favorite tv show? Law & Order, Absolutely Fabulous and Kids In the Hall
21. Favorite song? today: Friends of P.
22. Favorite band? today: Bright Eyes, The Rentals, Cursive
23. Favorite store? Value Village/Urban Outfitters/Medusa's Circle
24. Who's your favorite relative? Marianne because she personified the 80's
25. Favorite sport? Dodge ball
26. Favorite food? Mustard sandwiches and white bread
27. Worst fear? Being permanently handicapped
28. Favorite color? Purple and red
29. Best feeling in the world? Love, having things under control, attention
30. Worst feeling in the world? Confusion, inferiority
31. Best memory? They constantly outdo themselves
32. Worst memory? Not being able to relive the past

What do you think of...
33. Bill Clinton? He was great
34. Love at first sight? Yes
35. Abortion? Go for it
36. Marilyn Manson? Fading glory...
37.Premarital sex? Go for it
38.The Jerry Springer show? Sucks
39. Dreams? Are fun and interesting
40. Drinking? Is awesome
41. God? Is a puzzle
42. What cd is in your cd player right now? The Cure - Greatest Hits
43. Do you believe in heaven and hell? Too dualistic
44. Do you believe in angels? Thought provoking
45. Do you believe in aliens? Also thought provoking
46. Do you believe in yourself? Sure do
47. Do you want to get married? Perhaps
48. Do you want to have kids? Maybe some of those too
49. What is one thing about you that pisses your friends off? I'm mean and secretive
50. what is your favorite music video? Moby - Run on
51. Do you have any stuffed animals? Yes
52. Do you have any bad habits? Many
53. What is your favorite hangout? 7 West Madison room 603
54. Have you ever been in love? Many times
55. Are you a virgin? No
56. Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? Bordeaux
57. Where do you wish to be right now? Here is good
58. What are you thinking this very moment? Shower and homework...
59. What do you think of the song "pretty fly for a white guy"? Not the best Offspring song
60. Are you vegetarian? Nope
61. Favorite kind of clothes? T-shirts and jeans
62. Last person you called on the phone? Max Fabik
63. Last tv show you watched? Law & Order

Have you ever?
64. Been on an airplane? Yes
65. Went swimming in the ocean? Stood in it
66. Been to europe? No
67. Been to mexico? No
68. Been to canada? Yes
69. Been to australia? No
70. Cried in public? I try not to
71. Had a life changing experience? Yes
72. Let someone cry on your shoulder? Yes
73. Fell asleep in the shower? Yes
74. Gone to church? Yes
75. Climbed a tree? Yes
76. Watched Dawson's Creek? First episode in 7th grade
77. Gone skiing? Yes
78. Gone snowboarding? No
79. Been on a motorcycle? Yes
80. Fell asleep during a scary movie? If Batman was scary, then yes. I was 5, my cousin Jason carried me home.
81. Stayed up all night? Yeah, it sucks.
82. Played soccer? Yes
83. Played street hockey? Yes, I am fucking all American
84. Been to a major league baseball game? Yes
85. Saw a pro basketball game? On television
86. Kissed the same sex? Yes
87. Kissed the opposite sex? yes
88. Eaten sushi? Damn straight
89. Eaten fish? Yes, and it is gross. Sushi is way better.
90. Eaten caviar? Yeah, that shit's sick
91. Seen someone die? No. Cat told me about watching her mother die though.
92. Wanted to die? Yeah
93. Met a celebrity? Two guys from a low budget pirate movie.
94. Met the president? Thankfully, no.
95. Didn't wash your hair for a week? Yes
96. Driven a car? Yes
97. Peed in the shower? Yes
98. Broken something valuable? Yes
99. Skipped school? All the time
100. Bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yes
101. Used you parents credit card without permission? Yes
102. Been scared of getting shot? In the hood
103. Gotten a cavity? No
104. Broken a bone? My tailbone is shattered from a playground accident
105. Been given stitches? No
106. Shopped at abercrombie & fitch? Yes
107. Made prank phone calls? Yes
108. Gone into a hallway and done the nasty? No
109. Gone skinny dipping? Yes
110. Snuck out of your house? Yes
111. Been in a fight? Too many
112. What is your favorite website? Http://www.theultimates.com/white, Http://diaryland.com
113. What is on your mousepad? A collage of my friends and I
114. What is your favorite smell? Christmas smells, fires
115. Do you have any pets? Two cats
116. Is the glass half empty or half full? Depends
117. Lefty, righty, or ambidextrous? Left
118. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? Most of the time. I stare at the key board and only use like two fingers though.
119. What is under your bed? Suit cases
120. What is your dream car? A Chevrolet celebrity, but I don't really want a car..
121. Do you have any piercing or tattoos? Yes a little of both.
122. Do you want any? I want an Anchor tattoo on my arm.
123. Do you wear glasses? Fake ones
124. Have you ever eaten a crayon? I've nibbled
125. Do you sing in the shower? Ha, yes. Lots of Tori Amos and The Beatles
126. Do you talk to your pet? Yes
127. Do you talk to yourself? I sing
128. Do you talk in your sleep? I used to
129. Do you snore? No
130. Do you shave your legs? Yes
131. What causes do you believe in? Fighting the man, Civil Liberties; Racial Equality
132. What do you think is gross? Cheese, stenches, stubble and lecherousness
133. What scares you? Being written off / trivialized
134. Where are your ancestors from? British Wales, Ireland, Scotland, England, Africa and such
135. What do you say is funny? Just about everything
136. What is your worst injury ever? Breaking all my fingers on the left hand
137. What is the hardest thing about growing up? Everything is hard, it's all a gamble
138. Favorite quote? "I think you lost what you loved in that mess of details. They seemed so important at the time but now you can?t even recall any of the names, faces, or lines. " - Bright Eyes
139. Are you crossing your legs right now? Yes
140. Any closing statements? I have to pee
141. Did you forget an injury? Heart broken before, I guess...
142. Ever been arrested, for real? Taken home in cop mobile
143. Ever get searched? At the airport
144. How many hours of TV did you watch today: 0
145. Was it good? Most times
146. Tara Reid: Hot as hell
147. The News: Not so hot
148. How much sleep do you require on a routine basis: About 9 hours
149: Does that make you a pussy? Bitch
150. Axl Rose: Great hair

Miscellaneous

Mon, 12 Nov 2001 22:09:47 GMT

deadheadjunky: i'm hooked on whale
gloomcookies: oh shit. don't tell your dad
gloomcookies: he'd kill you
deadheadjunky: ha, i'll attempt to keep it a secret
gloomcookies: the big W
gloomcookies: oh gosh.
deadheadjunky: ha
deadheadjunky: i gotta run
deadheadjunky: have a good one blair
gloomcookies: ok!
gloomcookies: you too jeff